btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
