So drunk its hurt
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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