I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i out mim tonsoeep
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
