if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
