What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
