Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
