This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
