did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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