but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
