Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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