He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
