Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
