He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
