I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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