In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
