so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a hot homeless man
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
