Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
