can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
