Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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