Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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