Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
