I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
