I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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