My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
