i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
