i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
