bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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