"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
