you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
