I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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