You were right. It hurts to walk today.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
