The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
