How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
