he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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