Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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