margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
