You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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