dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
