He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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