You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
