I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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