my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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