i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
