I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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