Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
