If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
