Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
