I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
