so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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