What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
