please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
