At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
