So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
