you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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