You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
