Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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